I Have a Life: Total Eclipse of the Heart

My obsession with sushi started at a young age. I remember my dad took my brother and I to Mt. Fugi the night before the first day I entered the seventh grade. I was skeptical at first, but after the first bite of California Roll I was hooked. I have since moved on to more daring rolls and sashimi. I couldn’t get enough of the flavors and freshness. I never knew a food could be so impressive. When recounting my Mt. Fugi experience to my fellow brace-faced friends at school, I expected to be hoisted upon their shoulders while they chanted my name across the schoolyard. But sadly, I just received disgusted looks and ugly remarks. “You’re so gross, Anna. You eat raw fish AND have permed bangs?!”

But I knew that I was on to something special, and that I held a power my peers didn’t. I knew a secret. Sushi trumped EVERYTHING. It’s sort of like adding infinity to the end of a threat. Oh, come on. You know what I’m referring to. My brother and I would have these incredibly agitating arguments that would result in a game of Who Hates the Other Person More. We’d throw out insults like, “ I hate you more than I would hate taking a suppository from Barney.....I hate you so much that just hearing a letter from your stupid name makes me dry heave to the point that I pass out.” This kind of talk would last quite a while and would some how end with, “I hate you more than anyone has hated anything in the history of the universe.” Followed by, “Well, I hate you so much that every time you say you hate me I automatically hate you a million times worse and this automatic hate machine, that only I possess, lasts forever...for INFINITY.” Whatever the hell that was suppose to mean. It made perfect sense when I was eight.

So if someone were to approach me with, “I had Tex-Mex for dinner.” I would respond with, “I had sushi.” Conversation over. Done. That chump got trumped. I win. If everyone doesn’t know this secret.....great. More sushi for me. Plus, sushi makes you appear worldly. Even more worldly if you know the names of the fish you are consuming and how to properly use chopsticks. To this day, I am still shocked when I hear an adult request a fork over chopsticks. I wouldn’t even mind it if they asked the waiter to kiddy-rig their chopsticks with a rubber band. At least they would be trying .

Kyle and I recently dined at a Japanese Steakhouse called Umi. It’s just like Shoguns. So far it’s the only restaurant I know of that serves decent sushi. Our waiter Ning looked surprised when I requested chopsticks, and the fellow patrons dressed in Auburn and Alabama hoodies and visors looked even more surprised when he delivered the Caterpillar and Spicy Tuna Rolls to our table. I didn’t need that kind of judgement, dammit. I wasn’t judging their stupid conversations full of double negatives or even making fun of their oh-so-adventurous beef and chicken platters that they accompanied with Budweisers. It’s not like I was eating placenta. But you never know, it could be delicious.

You may have guessed that my hobby for this week is sushi rolling. I have always wanted to make my own rolls but didn’t ever really need to. Fayetteville offers so many great Japanese restaurants. Don’t get me wrong, I would go to Umi here in Florence every week. I consider Ning to be one of my closest friends now (he has kind eyes...but doesn’t know my name). I figure sushi making would be a good skill to have, and I want to utilize all of the fresh fish Alabama has to offer.

I referred to a couple of websites and watched some tutorials on the Internet to get myself familiar with this process. I felt fairly confident trying out this hobby because I’ve tried a lot of sushi in my day and frequently sit at the sushi bar. Next, I made a grocery list. I wanted to attempt a California Roll with twist. Honestly, I was most excited about naming my roll. I’ve always been good at naming things, and my dream job would be working for Crayola in the color naming department....Robin’s Egg Blue.....Marigold....Booger Green. I decided to put cream cheese, crab, and cucumber on the inside of my roll and lay slivers of salmon on the outside. Don’t know why I picked these....just thought it seemed pretty good. I have been very anti shrimp lately. Augie has been experiencing some anal leakage that smells similar to shrimp. I lovingly call him Shrimp Butt. He also has worms, so I can't eat anything that has shredded parmesan cheese on it. Eck.

Grocery Store Purchases (can get most of these things at Walmart):

Pkg. of Crab ( wasn’t super fresh, but surprisingly good...not too fishy)
Salmon filet (sliced into thin strips)
Cream Cheese
Cucumber
Wasabi
Soy Sauce
Bag of Sushi rice
Pkg. of 20 nori sheets (seaweed paper for wrapping)

Directions (makes about 2 rolls)

Step 1: Take one cup of the sushi rice and 1 cup of water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Needs to be sticky. Let cool for a few minutes.

Step 2: Scoop up some rice and form it into a ball. Set onto a nori sheet and form the rice into a bow tie shape. Press rice out to the perimeter of the sheet. Flatten the rice until you have a thin layer.

Step 3: Carefully flip the rice covered nori sheet over. On the side closest to you, place the ingredients you want on the sheet into thin horizontal lines. More is less. Too many ingredients will make it difficult to roll.

1.) Cucumber 2.) Crab 3.) Cream Cheese

Step 4: Take the edge of the nori sheet closet to you and lift it up and over with your fingers VERY SLOWLY. Let gravity do the work. As you are doing this, place any fallen rice back on the sheet and gently form the cylinder with your hands. Just do this until the side you lifted falls to the other side. Do not continue to roll it just yet.

Step 5: To secure the roll, take a bamboo mat and gently place it over the roll. FORM (slightly squeeze), PRESS, and ROLL (a short distance) until the roll comes back to it’s starting position. Once again, be very careful. I received a bamboo mat as a gift a few years ago from Pier I. I'm sure Oriental grocery stores sell them as well.