Shrinky Dinks

    I did something kind of wacky yesterday. Not impulsive, but nonetheless a little crazy. I registered to race in a half marathon that will take place February 13 in Birmingham. Why I thought it would be a good idea to train and compete in the dead of winter is beyond me. But I’m staying committed. Plus I don’t think the $60 fee is refundable. 

    I ran about three miles yesterday without stopping and without vomiting. I dread the raw nipples that are surely to come. You should just Band-aid them up, right? That’s what Kyle does. However, he always forgets to take his nipple bandages off, and I often find him passed out on the couch, covered in sweat with nude colored nips. 

    I’m not sure how I’m going to juggle all of these hobbies with this half marathon training. Geez. Having a life is exhausting, so this week I’m just experimenting with a half-ass hobby, a filler hobby if you will. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always wanted to try this hobby, but it is not something I plan on dedicating hours to, and it is not as daring as some of the other activities I have on my list. 

    The hobby for this week.....SHRINKY DINKING! Shrink dinks? Yes! I’ve never actually participated in this crafting extravaganza, but my students last year introduced me to the art project. It seems simple enough. Plus I thought it might give others an idea of something they could do in this yucky weather. It’s also a great group activity. I know many of you, including myself, will be spending time with family members over the next few weeks. This activity is great for your ADHD nieces or nephews. It will keep them occupied and their fingers out of the electrical sockets and their feces for at least an hour. 

   So if you want to shrink some dinks, go to Hob Lob and pick up a kit. They are about five dollars. You will need permanent markers to draw and color various pictures.  If you plan on using the Shrinky Dinks as jewelry or ornaments (like I am) you will need string, yarn, or pipe cleaners.

Directions:  find some inspiration*, doodle your diddle, color, cut, hole punch, bake in the oven at 325 degrees for about 2 minutes, string ‘em up, and hang ‘em up. 

    Back to the finding inspiration* part, you may want to sit down and brainstorm some ideas before you draw on the Shrinky Dink paper. Like I said, I am using the Shrinky Dink kit to help me make Christmas ornaments for my friends and family (you’re welcome), so my drawings were holiday themed. So far I have shrinky dinked a drunk Santa, a stoned Rudolph, and a candy cane penis. 

Santa drinking Jack and Jingle Bells

Rudolph with some green

    Watching my dinks shrink was really quite satisfying, and it gave me a really great idea. I recently had a nightmare about this professor I had throughout my M.A.T. program that I really hate. The dream itself was fuzzy, but all you need to know is that she sucks ass. I have been contemplating toilet paper rolling her house for a couple of years now. Anyway, so this monster of a professor made it her mission to ruin my life and all of my other classmates’ lives. She made me become an alcoholic too. To get back at her, I drew a picture of her stupid face with a bullet hole through her forehead and shrunk that bitch in the oven. It felt amazing. I’m considering mailing it to her. So go ahead. Shrinky dink a picture of your in-laws or your ex-boyfriend. You’ll feel like a new person when you are done. 

Before: Her big stupid face

After: A small stupid face and a Candy Cane Penis

    I will report on another hobby Monday. I’m really pumped about this next one. Kyle and I are going.........PAINTBALLING this coming Sunday (if the weather permits). Hang tight and I’ll give you a full report soon. If you are one of those people that prays, pray for me...well really, pray for Kyle. Because it’s on. 

    By the way, the pickles were pretty good. I think next time I will use a little less dill and perhaps a clove of minced garlic in each jar.

Dillicious!