Let's Macromate!

   I came across my hobby list the other day and thought it might be fun to share it with everyone.

       Hobby List 

1. Learn the game of tennis
2. Practice the art of yoga
3. Cook a meal that seems impossible
4. Go paintballing
5. Make my own soaps and/ or candles
6. Learn to play an instrument
7. Ballroom dance
8. Become the ultimate GAMER
9. Run a half marathon or compete in some type of race
10. Transform into a karate kid
11. Crochet or cross-stitch something really easy
12. Hippie hula-hoop dance
13. Jump out of an airplane (parachute optional)
14. Star in a play (chorus counts)
15. Design my own clothing line *
16. Go horseback riding
17. Dabble in photography
18. Enter a cooking contest
19. Get a piece of writing published (Highlights will do)
20. Build something on my own
21. Volunteer
22. Kayak
23. Create a backyard garden
24. Pickle my own veggies
25. Gamble my life away at a casino

    The italicized items are hobbies I have already perfected. If you were hoping to read a blog of real substance......TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY! This week, I accomplished something I have always wanted to try but was too terrified to attempt. Silly me. I’m one creative, STYLISH gal, right? Some might say that I’m the next Lauren Conrad or even one of her slutty friends. This week I completed number fifteen on the list. And let me tell you, I have been dying to share my fabulous clothing line with all of my peeps. People are constantly stopping me on the streets of Northwest Alabama to compliment my jeans or ask where I got my exotic dog hair-coated top. “Oh my gosh! I never thought to wear jeans with an enormous hole in the crotch! How inventive! And it just closes up with that safety pin? Clever.” 

    Now because my funding is quite limited, I can only show you three designs. But they are three incredible pieces (I'm already taking orders). And what’s great about this blog is that I am not only going to show you my super top secret designs, but I will also provide you with detailed explanations of how to create each and every piece. I’ve named my collection Unbelievable because you honestly will not believe your eyes when you see what I have created.

Design1:  Jorts

I searched through my closet to find a pair of jeans that were a tad snug. You know your jeans are too tight when they bunch into little creases on the back of your thighs. It did not take me long to find this special pair of jeans because all of my jeans do this. I put the jeans on and with a piece of chalk, made dotted lines around both legs about eleven inches above my kneecaps. I took off the jeans and got a good pair of scissors. Next, I cut on the dotted lines (I know it’s a long and tedious process, but it is totally worth it). Genius, right? You can take the leftover scraps of denim to make arm warmers.

Ha....made you look at my butt.

The shorter, the better...

2, 4, 6, 8...macromate!

America's Next Top Model

Design 2: Indian Vest

Indians (the ones with feathers not dots) were the inspiration behind this next design. This particular piece was a bit more challenging to make than the jorts. I decided to use a lovely brown paper sack as my fabric. First, cut a hole for your head. Second, cut a hole for each of your arms. However, if you only have one arm just cut one hole on the appropriate side. To create a fringe look, I cut short slits on the bottom of the sack. Finally, I colored my vest with one-of-a-kind designs using Crayola Washable Markers, NOT Rose Art.

Blue Steal

Suckas'

Design 3:  Tin Hat

I have always wanted to create a piece of headwear that could protect my brain from electromagnetic  psychotronic mind control carriers. This inconspicuous and fashionable form of mind control protection provides real security and makes everyone who wears it look really cool. It blocks alien signals and prevents mind reading, keeping the secrets in your head actually secret! Finally, a little bit of privacy! This would also pair very nicely with a metallic miniskirt. If you can manage to find aluminum foil, you can be this fashionable and safe.

Privacy please!

I dare you to try and read my mind.

    I know some of you reading this participate in beauty pageants and modeling. And when I say modeling, I actually mean taking ridiculous shots of yourself with your phone and posting them on Facebook. So you might want to take note of the above poses. And remember to SM-EYES....that’s smiling with your eyes. Tyra Banks does it all the time.

* I apologize if you actually read this entire blog entry. I promise to try harder next time???????